Listening as a Leader
Dear Faculty Relations: In the last month, two different colleagues have left my office in the middle of a one-on-one conversation. In both cases, they were cold to me in another meeting. What am I doing wrong? –Lost in LeedsÌý
Dear Lost: It’s difficult to say what happened in these conversations, but I applaud your curiosity. Simply noticing how our colleagues react to us is an important part of learning to relate to them.Ìý
In that spirit, have you thought about how you listen to your colleagues? There are many pressures on academic leaders. Your inbox is probably growing like an Amazon warehouse, and these colleagues aren’t the only ones who need your attention. Given those pressures, it can be difficult to stop and listen. Who has the time?Ìý
People leave conversations abruptly for many different reasons. Sometimes, emotion has overwhelmed them and they wish for privacy. Other times, they are frustrated and no longer believe the conversation is worth their time. If your colleagues have given you the cold shoulder, it may be that they don’t believe it is meaningful to continue to engage.Ìý
The good news is that this is probably temporary. Can you imagine what it would be like to approach them with the same curiosity you brought to your question? Perhaps you could write an email: It seemed like you were dissatisfied with our conversation the other day. Would you like to try again to share your concerns? I would be happy to meet and to try my best to listen.Ìý
You want to express your curiosity about their experience and your willingness to listen. This can create an opening for a richer conversation (and a more satisfying relationship) than when we start a conversation with the goal of trying to achieve something, whether it’s the resolution to a problem or a deal about future course assignments.Ìý
Worried that a future conversation might eat up your time? It is a paradox of good listening that it often saves time. Experiment a bit and see if those relationships, and your own frustration, don’t quickly improve.Ìý
Written by Burke Hilsabeck, Director of Faculty Relations and Community, Office of Faculty AffairsÌý
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