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Dear Faculty Relations: I try to show my appreciation for my colleagues, both faculty and staff. But I’ve noticed that while some of my colleagues seem to love a warm thank you, others can’t seem to care less. Am I doing something wrong? —Hesitant in Hellems��

Dear Hesitant: It’s not that you’re doing something wrong. You’re just experiencing the basic fact of human difference. Just like some of us prefer tea to coffee, our colleagues have different preferences about the way in which they receive gratitude. Importantly, our gratitude is much more effective when we’re attuned to the preferences of our colleagues.����

Happily, while we may have to experiment to determine what our colleagues prefer, we don’t have to guess. There are two major types of gratitude, gratitude that recognizes skills and accomplishments and gratitude that deepens connection and affirmation. The first kind is the one we often think of in an academic setting—a glowing recommendation for tenure, a successful merit review, or a nomination for an award. The second kind is less formal or goal-oriented but just as important—warm words, a thank you note, or the gift of your time in the hallway or over lunch.����

The important thing—just as you note—is that one approach doesn’t work for everyone. (And one approach won’t always work for one person. No one wants to receive a scheduled thank you note on the fifteenth of every month.) Part of the fun of leadership is the chance to be creative. Vary a thank you with kind words in a review or a one-on-one. Come up with your own ideas for expressing your gratitude for the hard work of your colleagues.����

Of course, if you’re responsible for a large department or for a substantial group of staff (or both), you may have difficulty remembering preferences or even what you’ve said or done for someone recently. Try keeping a short note on your desktop that serves as a reminder and encourages you both to express thanks to your colleagues and to change up your approach when you do so.����

Written by Tony Kong, Professor and Division Chair of Social Responsibility and Sustainability Division, Leeds School of Business

Adapted from “The Way You Say Thanks Matters at Work” and Sheridan, Kong et al, “More Than Words: A Risk Regulation Model of Supervisor Gratitude Expression, Felt Appreciation, and Subordinate Voice,” in Journal of Management, November 2025.

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